Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Taking back the joy

This blog might be the hardest I've ever tried to write. The subject is so emotionally charged that I'm finding it extremely difficult to find words that do it justice. I've typed and deleted several paragraphs already and now I find myself staring at a blank page once more.
So I've decided I'm just going to let myself ramble and get it out the best that I can. I think that it deserves to be shared, and sometimes it's better to just let the words flow without censorship.

If you've ever read this blog before, you'll know that over the last few years I have been fortunate enough to establish a relationship with Joe McIntyre that extends a bit beyond your typical pop idol/fan relationship. I may not be able to just call him up whenever I feel like having a chat, but we have a personal history and shared memories, and while it is far from a typical relationship I absolutely without question consider him to be a friend.

On April 15th, 2013 my friend finished the Boston Marathon in 3 hours 57 minutes and 6 seconds and raised over $40,000 for the Alzheimer's Association. Such an amazing accomplishment! I have never been more proud of him. Unfortunately, roughly 12 minutes later two unspeakably heinous cowards detonated 2 homemade bombs, killed 3 people, injured 264 more, and stole the joy of that accomplishment.

Since that day I have watched Joe struggle his way through several interviews. I've watched his eyes fill with tears every time he tries to speak about that day. I've heard him choke on the raw emotions. I've seen all this and felt so helpless. Wondered what I could ever possibly do to help him reclaim the joy that is rightfully his.

This weekend fate presented me with an opportunity to do just that.

When tickets to The Package Tour went on sale I debated and debated about what to do. Should I go to CT or Boston? Or CT AND Boston? Should I try to do a VIP package? Originally I decided to only do one show and use the money I would save on travel expenses to buy a 5* ticket. I was going to do the Boston date with my friend Amy, but then she told me that she wasn't going to be able to come after all and mentioned that some other friends were going to be doing 5* in CT and needed Joe girls in their group. I spoke to the other girls and decided that was going to be my plan. 1 5* ticket in CT and no Boston shows...but then the night before the tickets went on sale Amy found out she could come after all. I decided to stick with only buying a ticket for CT at the time, but promised myself that if I had the money for it and tickets were still available the week of the shows I would buy tickets and do Boston as well. Up until a few weeks ago, I still only had the ticket for the CT show and CJ wasn't planning to come to Boston at all.

After the bombing happened Amy and our friend CJ decided that they wanted to do something to make the Boston show special for the guys. Amy thought it would be cool to have signs during IBLYF like people have done in the past, and CJ had an idea to use glow bracelets in the marathon colors. They also wanted to do something to help raise money for the One Fund in the name of all Blockheads. The two of them got in touch with NKOTB management and discussed their ideas for bracelets. They talked about trademarks and legalities and worked really hard to make sure that everything was going through the proper channels. Once they had permission to go forward with their plan, Amy contacted me and our friend Imelda and asked us if we wanted to be a part of it. We both agreed without hesitation.

On May 31st I drove down to CT and met up with Amy and our friends for the show. We had our 5* together that night. We decided to present the guys with their BH For Boston bracelets that night since the Boston Strong concert had just been the night before and the emotions were still so high. I had the pleasure of handing Joe's to him. Amy ended up giving him the explanation about what they were and what we were doing. Joe teared up immediately and it was obvious that he was blown away by the gesture. Unfortunately there wasn't enough time to say anything more to him at the time because the next group was already in the room and security was kicking us out.

Amy was very concerned that we would not be allowed to bring the signs and glow bracelets into the venue on Sunday night because there was so much of it, so she spoke with the people at VIP Nation, and she spoke with NKOTB security, and everyone said that it was a great idea and that they were behind us and told us to contact the venue directly to get permission. We called and spoke with the security people at the venue and they told us to call back on Sunday morning to get permission from the person in charge. On Sunday we called them again and asked if there was any way that we could drop off the materials in the morning, and then pick them up when the girls checked in for VIP. They agreed to allow us to do that and so we dropped everything off and returned to our apartment to get ready for the evening.
We decided to take a chance and have me go along with them when they went to check in, even though I didn't have a VIP ticket and the doors wouldn't open for me until a few hours later.  When we arrived at the venue we spoke to security again and asked if there was any way that I could be allowed inside to start distributing the signs, bracelets, and instructions while the girls were at the VIP party.  I'm pretty sure my jaw dropped to the floor when they said yes and then came to escort me backstage to pick up our boxes.

I spent the next 2 hours placing the materials at each seat on the floor...and I only made it through 2 sections! I was a hot, sweaty mess and I wanted to cry because I knew there was no way I was ever going to finish the entire floor before the doors opened...and then they went and got Amy, CJ, and Imelda from the party, and the girls brought a crew of friends to help. I have never been so happy to see a group of women walk into a room as I was in that moment!  The girls all grabbed stacks of supplies and hustled like mad women to get it all done. Just as we were about to finish the last section a member of NKOTB's team came and told us that we had to stop. They said that we did not have permission from the right people, and they were concerned about the glow bracelets because they didn't want people throwing them at the guys.  There were a few minutes of utter panic and despair, but in the end we got permission from the right source and we put the last glow sticks on the floor as the first people started filing into the arena.

Amy, CJ, Imelda and I were all separated for the show, with our seats scattered around the arena. We were all anxious and worried that our plan would somehow fail, but hopeful that it would workout in the end and that the moment we had worked so hard for would come to fruition.

In the end, the boys completely messed up our plan when they threw a surprise song into the show on us. Our instructions had been to wait until IBLYF to break the bracelets open and hold up the signs, but when the guys started talking about Boston and everything that has happened and asked the audience to sing Sweet Caroline with them...well, I guess you can't plan everything, right?



I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that we all needed that moment to happen. I am unbelievably, ridiculously grateful to have been a part of something so pure and beautiful. As a wise and wonderful man said recently- Love crushes hate EVERY SINGLE TIME. That night we took back the joy and we celebrated together the way that we should have 6 weeks earlier.

I saw Joe very briefly a couple of times after that show and I saw the effects of that moment when I looked into his eyes. I felt the gratitude in his embrace when we said goodbye. We won.